I’m trying to sleep off a fever when we get the call about another baby.
I roll over and let it go to voicemail.
It’s probably just a telemarketer, I tell myself as I look at the phone number.
But my mind couldn’t shut off the questions.
Who is calling me from Valparaiso?
I hear the familiar ding of my voicemail.
I close my eyes and try to sleep.
Who left a message?
Even in my feverish state, I can’t turn off the questions.
I pick up the phone and listen. It is our adoption agency, calling about a birthmother who is due mid-April.
“Are we interested?” she asks. “Call me back.”
I call my husband who is working downstairs, trying to manage the household while I get back on my feet.
“Listen to this,” I say as I hand him the phone. “A message from the adoption agency.”
He looks at my phone and a flicker of apprehension crosses his face. A message from the adoption agency can only mean one thing.
Are we interested? Her words echo in my mind.
How do I decide this when I’m sick? How can I make a rational decision when I feel anything but clear minded?
Wasn’t it only a week ago I was complaining that nothing was happening, that maybe this was God’s way of saying he didn’t want us going down this path?
Sometimes in my impatience, I question things because I need to wait longer, be more patient, trust in God’s goodness even when I can’t see the end result.
It’s easy to trust in God’s goodness when things go well. When the food is plenty and the house is comfortable and the baby is smiling.
But when things go bad–that’s an entirely different story.
When the doctor says cancer.
When the baby has problems.
When the spouse says it’s over.
When the boss says you’re done.
Do I still trust in God’s goodness then?
And how about when it’s a situation where the unknown path leads you to a place of worry and fear?
God never called us to a safe life, easy answers, and clear futures.
He calls us to uncomfortable places and difficult answers and a hazy future where all we can do is trust in his goodness.
The big risks of life require all of you. All of your trust. All of your hope. All of your future.
Are we interested?
We take that first step into the unknown, trusting in His goodness even in deep waters. Even when the answer is no.
Are we interested?
We say yes to the unknown.
Yes to not having all the answers,
Yes to His plans and not ours.
Yes to his goodness through all things.